Friday, January 4, 2013

Why Nursing School prepared me for Motherhood

Nurses. You can't teach empathy or care or smart, so we all know that nurses go to nursing school to learn how to hold their bladder during a 12 hour shift.
During clinicals, we were all scared of the instructor and eager to please that we wouldn't dare ask to use the bathroom until lunch. Then there's our first job, a fresh, new nurse who doesn't want to miss anything, and follows her trainer eagerly all day long. We only pee when our trainer pees, and she's a seasoned nurse so she doesn't. After all that...bladder of steel, my friends.
But, never did I think that nursing school would prepare me for motherhood.

Here is my day today:

(6a.m. Baby gets up, husband up with baby..I'm slightly awake and aware I have to pee, but don't dare get up from my peaceful hour of sleep I'm about to get)

7 a.m. - feels like 6:05. Husband brings screaming, starving child in. Attach, doze off.

8 a.m. - husband leaves for work. Get up, brush teeth, make coffee, PEE.

9 a.m. - feeling like I need to pee but baby is hungry so I will feed her first. Feed baby. Baby falls asleep.

10:30 - Baby wakes up. Change diaper, make mental note to go pee. Set baby down. Baby ignores 38493 toys on floor and goes for (insert unsafe item here). Wrangle baby.

11:00 - Baby is being cute, giggling, squealing. We play.

12 p.m. - Put baby in bouncer so I can pee. Remember that I forgot to eat. Make food.

12:15 - Take one bite. Baby is crying, feed baby.

12:45 - Set fussy baby down. Inhale cold food in Olympic record time. Pick fussy baby up. Make mental note to go pee once sheis calmed down.

1:15 - Baby falls asleep.

2:30 - Aww, she must have been really tired, she'll get up soon so I can pee.

3:41 - Holy shit, how is this kid still sleeping?

3:43 - Occupy self with blogging so I don't have to think about peeing. Look forward to baby waking up and my bladder throwing a party. Remember that I will have to feed and change her first when she wakes up. Throw away all dreams of ever peeing again.

Thank you nursing school.

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